It’s been forever since I’ve been on here.
I can’t believe I let myself get to this point..where I depend on my girlfriend for happiness so much that I don’t know what to do with myself when she’s not with me.
But at the same time, I love knowing that I have a relationship that’s so strong that I CAN depend on her this much.
Yeah, it definitely is huh?
God forbid my posts aren’t about some famous person everyone’s obsessed with.
I pity and envy people who do not ponder upon their own reality. It’s hard for me to understand how people can go through life not questioning everything, without trying to transform their understanding of this world as if it were clay waiting to be shaped. Yet I wish such things were no concern of mine. I wish to be a simple man, yet cannot imagine what life would be like as such.
My profile on Stickam has 700,000 views from me singing and playing guitar on there, and it’s one of the only things that makes me feel good about myself.
Let me just preface this by warning anyone that may read this that it’s going to be word salad, because I have no idea how to accurately describe my feelings for this girl. God, I don’t even think the English language is an adequate medium through which to portray my emotions right now. But anyway:
I seriously want to spend every waking moment of my life with her. I’ll easily admit that I’ve never truly given a shit about anyone in my life. Ever. Not my family, not any friend or girlfriend I’ve ever had in the past. Nobody. Not before I met Kristi.
I met her at work, and as cliche as it sounds, I fell for her right away. We didn’t really talk or anything until about a month after she started working there because I was ridiculously nervous and didn’t think she’d want anything to do with a guy like me. What would the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on (no exaggeration) want to do with a nerdy, awkward academic like me? Not to mention I assumed she had to be taken.
We ended up working the same shift, and for about an hour it was only her and I in the store every day, so we got to talking and we added each other on Facebook, and we talked a bit there, and we finally ended up hanging out. I found out that she was single and I honestly didn’t believe it at first. I’ll admit that I’ve never been so nervous about anything as that first night I spent with her. I consider it a personality flaw, but admittedly I’m excessively blunt and forward. I think I might have told her she was beautiful a hundred times that night, and I made it really obvious I wanted her to be mine. I’ve never proclaimed to be subtle or inconspicuous when it comes to flirting.
I wanted to kiss her that whole day. It was all I could think about. I must have pictured my lips on hers a thousand times, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I wanted to wait for the perfect moment if I was going to do it at all, being the hopeless romantic that I am. We had a pretty awesome day though. We went to High Point near Cornwall, which has the most beautiful view of the Hudson River, and then I’m pretty sure we went for coffee and spent a lot of the day in parks just talking. I was a mess the whole time; I just kind of rambled on about shit while she just sat there listening. I tend to do that when i’m nervous. But she didn’t really seem to mind. So she was just about to take me home from the park and I decided that if I was ever going to kiss her, it had to be then. So I did it. She seemed really surprised, but she kissed me back. That first kiss was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I didn’t know that she would be mine, or that I would have what I have with her now then, but I was easily the happiest guy on Earth at that moment.
It’s crazy, but 2 months later everything still feels the same with her. I know 2 months isn’t a long time in any sense, and admittedly, I always make fun of couples that say I love you in such a short time, but she’s so different.. Every kiss may as well be the first. When I hold her I never want to let go. I think she’s more beautiful every time I see her, even when she thinks she looks like shit. Usually, in any other relationship, this kind of feeling had faded in a week at most, if I ever even felt like that.
I’ll be honest: with any past relationship, i’ve definitely still checked out other girls or thought about what things would be like with someone else. We’ve all done it, and if you say you haven’t you’re a liar. But it’s not like that with her. It makes me feel like an asshole sometimes, but I actually find other girls repulsive now. If I look at anyone else it’s just to compare them to Kristi and realize that she’s without a doubt the most attractive girl in this world.
One big difference between Kristi and any other girl I’ve ever been with is the fact that I don’t compare her to ex-girlfriends. I know I’m doing it while writing this, but that’s because I’m just rambling. She’s just so above everyone else I’ve ever met or heard about. She’s perfection made form.
The only thing that scares me about being with her is the way I feel like there’s some huge part of me missing when she’s not around. I border almost on dysfunction when I don’t see her for a day or two. I would feel insane if it weren’t for her telling me that she’s the same way. I hope she’s not just saying that, because I need her, and I like to think she does too.
We always talk about moving out our parents’ houses and getting our own place. I’ll admit that it’s nearly all I think about. The thought of falling asleep every night with her in my arms, telling her I love her and kissing her softly, and then waking up the next morning to do the same..it sounds like heaven.
why does everyone fret over their labeling their sexuality omg just touch who u want
I’m just reblogging this for the GIF